I know this will offend somebody out there, but I think — maybe — if it’s not possible for an animal to share your phobia, then your phobia is basically not a real thing.

Like, fear of the dark. Okay, it’s reasonable for an animal to be afraid of the dark — could be danger out there in the night, or down in that cave, and I, an animal, don’t want to get eaten — so I’d be dark-averse.

Likewise, claustrophobia. Yeah, what I want to do is break out and run free, so being unable to do exactly that thing, especially in a space that’s close and cramped and that I can see no way out of — that would be a detriment to my feelings of well-being.

Or heights. Animals seem to know that a fall from a great height would be bad for them and hence you don’t see a lot of them leaping off tall buildings or cliffs. Heck, my dog is ginger even getting down from the couch.

But triskaidekaphobia? Fear of the number 13? Impossible for an animal to be scared of 13 because they have no concept of 13, so they can’t have any baggage or lore associated with 13.

Same thing tells you why hating Monday is not a real thing. (I mean, it is in that we all hate Mondays, but only because of our sociological construct around Monday being the beginning of the working week for most of us.) Monday isn’t a thing if you’re an animal. You either woke up this morning or you didn’t, and if you did, then it’s a good day.

Anyway, today is Friday the 13th and Friday the 13th is dumb, so I hope yours is perfectly ordinary.

Also, triskaidekaphobia is really hard to type.