I was pretty sure I was living with an alien when I found out my wife squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle.
Turns out that’s not a dealbreaker; every so often you just give the tube a good squeeze from the bottom and the damage is undone.
But there’s no coming back from this. This is definitive. This is beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt proof she’s not human:
WHO OPENS PACKAGES LIKE THIS? NOT HUMANS.
I can’t. Just look at it. You can’t re-seal that. You can’t reach easily into it for a handful of tasty, tasty cookie crackers. You can’t even pour them out into a bowl. EVERYTHING IS WRONG.
This is like owning a dog for years, having it constantly by your side, bringing it up from a puppy so that it loves you and only you, and then coming downstairs late one night to find it having a secret meeting with the cats to plan world domination.
This is like eating an entire bowl of spaghetti and then finding half a worm in the bottom of the bowl, or sucking away at a piece of candy for hours and then finding a toenail in the center.
This is waking up from a nap to find that the sun is green, gravity has reversed itself, and ships are sailing blithely off the edge of the flat earth.
I love my wife dearly. I just can’t believe she’s from this planet anymore.
2 thoughts on “The Inhumanity of Improperly Opened Packaging”
Haha! My older kids are like this, which gives me a perfect excuse to blame it on their dad. I brought the youngest one up right.
It’s not our fault!!
We don’t TRY to open it that way! Stupid people making whatever useless material that’s killing our planet are to blame!!
LikeLiked by 1 person