Murder Mystery Card Mom

I meant to post this earlier in the week, but … well, you know how that goes. Fact is, it’s summer vacation, so the fact that I remembered to do anything at all is more than I expect.

Anyway, I got a Father’s Day card in the mail on Monday. I knew it was coming, but it was still pretty nice. But receiving it made me laugh, and then think, and then laugh some more.

You know you want a psychedelic, Stalin-esque Darth Vader Father’s Day card. The inscription inside? “A dad like you is impressive. Most impressive.” Bahaha.

The card was from my mother. It was postmarked from Tybee Island, where my wife and kids and I were just vacationing with my parents last week.

Which means the following:

  1. My mother obviously bought the card well in advance of the trip. There are no markets that sell cards like this on Tybee that I’m aware of, and to my knowledge, my mom didn’t get in to Savannah to go to a big-box store like she would’ve had to for this card. Plus… I know my mom. She has an entire file cabinet drawer full of thank-you notes just waiting to be used. OF COURSE she bought a Father’s Day card more than a week ahead of time. Sharknado, she probably bought it LAST Father’s Day and just kept it around. For all I know, she’s got a cubby filled with Father’s Day cards for the next ten years just waiting to be sent out.
  2. She brought it with her on vacation. Again, this is just good planning. Mail it from home before vacation, and it’ll get there early and everybody will just feel dumb that it was sitting in our mail at home. So she packs it and brings it on vacation.
  3. She mailed it to my home from the island we were vacationing at together. Just let that marinate for a minute. We’re all vacationing together. Same condo, no less. We’re literally spending 90% of every day in each other’s immediate company, and rather than simply handing me the card — even a day or two early, which, for me, who cares — she finds the time to sneak away and mail it to my home address.

I mean, if you think about it, this is like some murder-mystery level planning and trickery. Who mails anything from vacation, let alone to the home of a person they’re vacationing with?

My mom does, apparently. I’m gonna have to keep an eye on her.

Oh, and this:


“Kind and curious children result from your parenting.” Look, I know how she meant it. But I’m also a big time word-nerd and … well:

  1. eager to know or learn something.
    • “a curious stare”
  2. strange; unusual.
    “a curious sensation overwhelmed her”

And my parenting, let’s not leave any room for doubt here, CERTAINLY DOES result in curious children.13497852_10105662018905570_3065079633792775605_o

Love you, mom!

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