Prank Politics


Chuck’s Challenge this week:  Superhero Genre Smash-Up.

Superhero is an idea that’s on a low boil in the back of my mind; I may be using it for a novel one of these days, and if so, I’ll definitely be using some of the characters I’m working with here.  My genre of choice to smash up with the Superhero tack: buddy comedy.  And maybe a bit of that college frat-party feel.  Is there a genre for that?  …Whatever.

Came in at 975 words for this one, and, if you can believe it, this one isn’t dark OR depressing.

 

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Powdered Chaos


Chuck’s challenge this week:  Infocomm Inventory.  This one really called to me because I enjoyed the heck out of these games back when I was a young’un.  That said, squeezing eight items from a grab bag into a single story of only 2000 words is not an easy task.

My list of items was: a crucifix, a jade figurine, a soccer ball, an ionic diffusion rasp (!), a veil, a coin, a pearl necklace, a manuscript, and Chaos (capital letters included).  That’s right, one of my items was CHAOS.

Anyway, another dark one, and my apologies if it doesn’t hold together as well as I thought it did — I have been on some pretty serious painkillers for the past forty-eight hours.  They may have affected my judgment and / or creativity and / or ability to tell if what I’m writing is any good or utter crap.

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Off on the Wrong Tooth


This post is part of SoCS: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/07/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-514/

Here’s something new: a flash fiction with zero editing.  I don’t think this is an experiment I’ll recreate.  Interestingly, not my first flash that centers on a job interview.  The casual observer might read something into that, but I would remind you that things don’t always have to mean things.

Anyway…

As I said, zero editing on this one, just let it flow from top to bottom.  So please know there are things that I would change now that it’s done!

 

Off on the Wrong Tooth

The subtle aroma of a dead body was one you never quite got used to, but Penny was making a good effort.

The drawers of the morgue each concealed one victim after another of the person they were calling “The Dentist” in a really unfortunate blow for her profession, one which was already subject to more irrational fears than Penny felt was particularly fair.  For a woman of her stature, she’d been shocked to find grown men terrified to sit in her chair, yet they had turned out to be the norm.  After fifteen years, she’d gotten used to people being terrified of her.  She could make a routine cleaning seem as if it were the only thing standing between you and a total overnight rotting from head to toe, but only did so on those rare occasions.  Most of the time she was actually very pleasant, and tried to communicate it by wearing scrubs dotted with smiley faces or smiling puppies.

Today, though, on this particular consult, she was all business: gray trousers, gray blazer, white blouse, black-rimmed spectacles.  Penny was here to prove a point, but appearances must be maintained.  These were dead people, after all.  Using the tips of her fingers to pull the dead man’s chin down, she peered into his vacuous maw.  Vacuous wasn’t a word she used to describe mouths, not usually, but the complete absence of teeth had an effect upon her.  As if she had returned home and found all of her furniture moved a few inches to the left, the absence of teeth made her feel violated somehow.

Still, she had nothing useful to say to the faces that surrounded her, a fact that made her feel sillier and sillier the longer she kept it to herself.  The teeth were gone, yes, and some of the victims showed signs of gum decay and general poor oral hygiene, while others might have been impressive specimens, had they of course had their teeth in the proper place.  She snapped off her gloves and pushed her headlamp back over her hair.

“Expert removal,” she said, “though the tools were crude.  Probably automotive pliers, as you can see from the scarring on the gums.  No anaesthetic, either.”  She pointed at the victim’s mouth as if this would hold some meaning for the detectives.

“Automotive pliers?” the shorter man asked her.

“Sure,” Penny replied, shrugging her shoulders.  She couldn’t work out what it meant and she hoped to god they would pick up on that.  “About a five inch, from the look of it.”

The detectives shared a shrewd glance.

“What?”

The taller one raised a skeptical eyebrow.  “How’d you know that?”

Penny sighed.  Explaining the obvious was exhausting.  “The span of the bruise here.  Also, anything smaller and you can’t get enough leverage.  Anything bigger and you can’t get the proper grip.”

They frowned and nodded and wrote notes on their little pads.  That information hadn’t been in the news; asking her had been a test.

Their jotting infuriated her.  “Guys,” she said, “For the thirtieth time.  I’m a dentist, not a detective.”

The short detective shrugged and stuffed his pad in his pocket.  “Awfully observant for a dentist.”

The taller one nodded.  “We all have to moonlight.  PI jobs don’t pay the bills, I get it.”

She ran a hand through her hair, tugging her headlamp off and tossing it on the exam table by the dead man’s foot.  “You got the wrong number when you called my office.  Just like the dozen times before this time.”

“Not a lot of Penelope Krelbornes in the book,” the shorter one said.  “Hard mistake to make.”

Yet they’d made it, and kept making it.  She’d rebuffed them so many times it was getting comical; she had finally agreed to consult on a case so that she could convince them she was Penny Krelborne, DDS, and not Penny Krelborne, PI.  How was she to know that this would be the one case she could solve?

“We’ve got a list of suspects,” the taller one said.  “Anything else you can tell us?”

Penelope threw her hands up.  “Jesus Christ, guys.  I don’t know.  The one with the worst teeth?”  She collected her bag and stormed out.  And they didn’t call her again.  Until they caught The Dentist and called her up to give her an award for meritorious service.

**

“And that,” Penny finished, doing her best to mute her pride, “is how I accidentally caught a serial killer.”

The interviewer narrowed his eyes at her, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a gesture that made her think he might have the kind of grip strength to strangle somebody.  She didn’t think he was violent, that was just the way she thought now.  He cleared his throat.  “But you do still practice, right?”

Penny bit the inside of her cheek.  All her credentials, an incidental murder solved, and it still wasn’t enough for this man.  Were women ever going to get a fair shake?

“Enough to tell that you need a new crown on your lower lateral incisor.”

He blinked, and removed his glasses.  “You really solved that case?”

With great resignation, she nodded.

He shrugged.  “You’re hired.”

Just a Sec, Ty


Chuck’s Flash Fiction Challenge of the week:  Bad Parents.

I struggled with this one because my parents are actually pretty good ones by virtually every yardstick I have by which to measure them.  And, you write what you know, right?  So I was stuck.  I thought about writing to the news of the week, with the guy who essentially cooked his kid alive in a car, but the thought of getting inside a mind like that turned my stomach.  Then I remembered this story which was told to me by a sweet old lady at the mall while we were chatting about my boy about a week ago.

So I decided to steal it and spruce it up.

 

Just a Sec, Ty

 

The dull hum of the food court is the roar of Fenway Park.  Tyler checks the runner, catches a signal, tips his brim with sweaty fingers and draws back.  His arm coils backward and slingshots forward, a striking serpent launching itself toward home plate.  The ball hurtles through space, its seams blurring in a wicked curling dive.

But Tyler is ready.

His hawk eyes track the ball’s impossible movement, down and away.  Like an unraveling slinky he plants, turns, swings, and connects.  The ball goes screaming away into the stratosphere, a meteor streaking through the sky, shattering the sound barrier as it sails into the night.

Tyler starts to run.

His locomotive legs pound the turf as he races for the wall, its ivy expanse stretching off on both sides.  Home run shot, no doubt about it, but only just.  The wind whistles in his ears as he sprints, looks over his shoulder, and leaps.  His legs like giant springs, he bounds into the air; an impossible leap, but he’s done it.  The momentum of his catch sends him tumbling head over heels, til he stops, flat on his back, cradling the tiny ball in his glove.  He hides it for a long moment, savoring the moment for himself.  Then he leaps to his feet, thrusting the bit of horsehide into the air.  His world erupts in a blinding spray of camera flashes.

The elderly man at table twenty-three claps and whistle at him over a plate of soggy lo mein.  “Nice play, champ,” the gentleman says, his wrinkled features pulling into a warm grin.  Tyler throws a glance over his shoulder.  She hasn’t noticed.  He trots over.

“Keep practicing,” the man says, “and you’ll be making those catches on TV one day.”

Tyler’s six-year-old eyes shine, and he pulls his two-sizes-too-big pants up at his waist.  “You think so?”

“Sure do.”

She still isn’t looking.  She missed the pitch, missed the home run swing, missed the miraculous catch.  Tyler tugs his cap straight and meanders off through the food court.  He walks past kids his age, older kids, toddlers and babies in strollers.  This one’s parents are holding both his hands and swinging him through the air, this one’s mom is licking a napkin and dabbing at her face, that one is screaming holy hell while dad pats him on the back, mumbling soothing nonsense at him.

Tyler’s feet carry him into Sears, past the shelves of shining silver appliances and the rows upon rows of brilliant television screens, until he sees it: his chariot of fire, a fully-loaded formula one racer with brand new tires and green paint, luminescent in the sun.  He jumps in, buckles his belt and helmet on, feels the engine snarl all the way down to his butt cheeks.  The checkered flag goes up and his world narrows to the road in front of him and the cars on either side, blistering past him like angry bees, roaring in his head like a rampant Tyrannosaur.

“Little boy.”

He blinks.  What’s this old lady doing on the race course?  But the cars are dissolving, his helmet is gone, and now he’s just Tyler, sitting on a shiny new John Deere lawnmower, with this janitor looking at him.  It’s concern on her face, and he doesn’t quite know what that means. All he can do is stare.

“Pretty nice driving, there.”

She’s wearing a red polo shirt, she works in the mall.  He hops off, doesn’t want to get in trouble.

“Where’s your parents?”

Tyler shrugs.  Don’t talk to strangers. 

“I followed you from the food court.  Where’s your mom?”

Another shrug, a shuffle of his feet.

“Can I help you look for her?”

Tyler looks in her eyes for the first time.  Kind eyes, like the old guy watching him hit home runs.  Like his grandmother’s, in a dim memory from when he used to visit her.  Half a lifetime ago.  She’s not dead, mom just doesn’t take him to visit anymore.  He nods and thrusts his hand out for her to hold, which she does.  Her hand is dry and warm and big, and her fingers close around his and he feels safe.

She’s still on the playground, amidst the raucous toddlers and kindergartners and first graders, seated on a bench at the back, next to a plastic padded mushroom.  She doesn’t look up.  Her fingers fly across the face of the little black device in her hands, her face free of any emotion.

“Mom!”  Tyler runs to her, hugs her knee.

“Just a sec, Ty.”  Click click click click.

The janitor clears her throat.  “Excuse me, miss?”

Click click.  “Hmm?”

“Just thought you ought to know I brought your boy back from Sears.”

Mom looks up.  “What?”  She glares at Tyler.  “Is that true?”

Tyler’s face flushed and he stares at his shoes.  The woman in the red shirt kneels next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.  “He was all right.  Driving him a race car.  But I thought he ought to be getting back to you.”  She gives Mom a stern look.

Mom snatches Tyler’s hand and pulls him away.  “I don’t need you to touch my son.”

Mom yanks him out of the playground, and tears spring into his eyes.  Tyler throws a glance backward at the janitor and thinks he sees tears sparkling in her eyes, too.  But then his mom’s hand isn’t a hand at all.  It’s a thick, ropey vine, and the jungle is singing around him as he swings through the trees, dodging the legs of passersby like so many tree trunks in the wilderness flashing by.

A momentary distraction as Mom’s voice breaks through the vision: “wouldn’t believe what just happened to me, the nerve of this woman…” and Tyler’s heart lifts, because he knows now she’ll be talking about him all day.

Bound Howler


Chuck’s challenge this week:  Subgenres.

This one’s a bit longer than most, but I think it’s worth it.  That in mind, I won’t beleaguer you with a drawn out explanation, I’ll just let the story speak for itself.

 

 

Bound Howler

*****

Trina threw down an armload of ropes and a sturdy length of chain on Ark’s counter, drawing a hearty laugh from the proprietor.  He leaned his smudged elbows on the smudged oak and leered at her.

“And what on earth are y’doin with all that, then?”  His eyes traced a long slow route down her blouse and her skirt before arriving, much too late, back up at her face.  She wasn’t the prettiest girl in the village by any stretch, but she wasn’t the ugliest, either.  He’d certainly had worse.

“Not sure if that’s any of your concern, Mister Ark.”  She, on the other hand, stared fixedly into his eyes, she had no use for the rest of him.

Ark spat.  “My supplies, my concern.”

Trina sighed and leaned in toward him across the countertop.  Again, his eyes strayed south; she wasn’t above using what wiles she had to her advantage.  “Storm last night.  Spooked my horses.  They broke their gate and scattered all over MacLaren’s land.  I need to secure the gate,” she nodded at the chain, “and throw together some bridles til I can have proper ones made,” she nodded at the rope.

Ark’s eyes fell on the bandage just above her left elbow; she’d tried to conceal it with her sleeve.  “What happened there?”

She yanked her sleeve back down, covering the dressing.  “Snagged it on a nasty tree branch.  Chasing after the horses.”

His eyes began creeping down her body again.  “So, how do you plan to –”

“I’ve got coin, you lout.”

Transaction completed, she rushed home.  The darkening sky was all the sign that the village needed to begin closing up early; it was already a full moon, and likely to storm again besides.  Storefronts were being closed up and bolted shut, horses tied a little more securely in their stables, children hurried inside over their whines of protest.  As she crested the little hill before her squat stone house, Trina paused next to the perfectly intact stable door; all her horses were completely undisturbed.  She shifted the ropes and chain on her shoulder and moved on toward her house as the first drops of rain began to fall.Read More »