Year: 2014

The Importance of Routine

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I am quickly learning the importance of routine to — I want to say any creative endeavor, but I will err on the side of not being an overgeneralizing jerkstore and say — this particular project of mine. No matter what I do, it seems I have had and certainly will have good days and […]

The Potioneer’s Ploy

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Chuck’s challenge this week:  Pick Five Characters.
I used random choice to get me down to eight and went with the five that I felt best fit together.  Here’s what I came up with.
The Dexterous, funny hermit

The Agile heir
The Unpredictable hunter, worst in his profession
The Unhealthy jailer
The Unheroic impostor
I wasn’t able to get an entirely self-contained story here, but I think it worked out well enough.  As a result, while I feel the arc of this particular moment is completed, it certainly leaves more to tell.
But, for a change, it’s NOT dark and weird!  Here, then, are 1494 words of fun in a sort-of LOTR, sort-of GoT world:

The Potioneer’s Ploy

As usual, Danver had no idea what on earth he was doing.

He poked his pointy nose around each corner of the cell, examining every last crumb of moldy bread and every crack in the wall for some sign, any sign, that might give an indication of where the princess had escaped to.  None was forthcoming.  Only one thing to do: stall.

“I’ll need to see the grounds outside her window,” Danver said, with as much authority as he could muster.

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Follow Me Over This Cliff (Or, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon’s Fading Star)

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Last time I did this was fun.  Let’s have another terrible review of a terrible entertainment option.  Today’s target?

The Following.

Spoiler Alert, etc, etc.  Here I’ll be talking about the show, its characters, its plotlines, up through the current episode.  If that’s troubling to you, this is the point at which you should turn off your computer and rethink your life, because if you’re able to be significantly upset by prematurely learning some vague details about a show that you’re watching after the party, perhaps the decisions that brought you to this point were not the best ones.  (Though if you’re still watching the show, I doubt if there’s much I could spoil for you, as the show spoils itself by virtue of running headlong into virtually every cliche in the suspense/crime procedural/gritty hero/criminal mastermind genre simultaneously.)  That said, if you don’t watch The Following, there probably isn’t very much here for you.

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Holy Sharknado, it’s Really Happening

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I was writing along today, enjoying myself, working on a cute little scene between the hero and the love interest, and WriteMonkey’s little heads-up display bar ticked over.  It does this constantly, tracking word count, the time I’m writing in the current session, the time until the next save (WM can be configured to save automatically, as often even as every five seconds.  This is a feature I laughed at when I first started writing with it, but it has actually saved me a couple of times.  Not the every five seconds thing.  That’s excessive to the point of lunacy.  The automatic save thing.  Every thirty seconds has been more than sufficient.).  Nifty little program, as I’ve said before.  But today’s little tick was more significant than most, because today the progress meter ticked over to 50%.

See, way back when I started writing, I set a goal of ninety thousand words for this little endeavor I’m tarrying away at, the way a man who’s never run a step in his life might stand at the start line of the Boston Marathon and say, okay, the finish line is out there somewhere.  The way I imagine the Apollo astronauts looked up at the moon and said, “There it is.”  The way, perhaps, that my dog watches the mail truck driving by and thinks, “one day.”  At the time, it seemed lofty, massively optimistic, and even a little foolish.  A goal so distant and unattainable it might as well have been on Pluto (alas poor Pluto, we hardly knew ye).  WriteMonkey merrily and quietly accepted the leviathan goal I had set for myself and popped a happy little 8% indicator down in the corner.  Every day I write a few more words and it increases, one tick at a time. 

That was (wait, let me check) 44 days ago.  44 proper days, mind you, not 44 writing days (weekends are for not working!).  44 days!  A month and not quite a half to hit the halfway point.  I’ll save the champagne and the sparklers for a more momentous occasion, but suffice it to say, I am pretty jazzed.  Having been a runner for a little while, running metaphors spring naturally to mind; it’s like reaching the turnaround point on a long run.  It was hard work to get here, and it will be hard work to get back, but there’s nothing for it – nobody’s going to drive out here and pick my tired, dehydrated asgard up.  Mile 13.1 of a marathon: you’ve come this far, it’s nonsense to even think of not finishing now.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve written so much.  Forty-five thousand words is no small chunk of writing.  I don’t want to dump on myself too badly, but I’m a little bit surprised that I’ve done so well.  Frankly, I expected of myself a lot more waffling, a lot more excuses, a lot more days when I just didn’t feel like getting the work done, and a lot of not actually meeting my goals.  At the risk of sounding like a jerk, I know Past Me pretty well, and that guy is LAZY.  But Past Me is trying to change his ways, Present Me is holding the course, and Future Me is reaping the benefits of our sticktoitiveness.  Granted, our sticktoitiveness is creating for that guy an ever growing pile of hog slobber that he’s going to have to go wading through to find the tasty bits, but hey, that’s a problem for THAT GUY.

It’s pretty overwhelming to look at how far I’ve come and how much (or rather how LITTLE) I have left to go.  It almost makes me sad to think that I’m entering the downward slope of this thing.  To think that in 45 days (assuming I stay productive over the summer, KNOCK ON FARGOING WOOD) I could have a finished draft of this story that I never actually thought I’d get around to turning into a book … I just don’t know what to say.  It suddenly feels real in a way that it hasn’t really felt real despite all the work I’ve been putting in.

Who knew that this was something that was legitimately within my capabilities?  I sure as sharknado didn’t.  I fully expected, on a level I didn’t and haven’t and probably won’t talk about, to end up in a ditch after a few weeks, sobbing internally as I walked away from the smoldering wreckage of another failed project.  I still feel like I’m cheating fate a bit to be where I am.  I spend my writing time trying not to think about how far I’ve come and thus how far I have to fall.  If I don’t think about it so much, I can keep walking the tightrope.  If I don’t look out the window, I don’t have to think about the plane crashing into a mountain.  If I keep putting one foot in front of the other, I just might reach that finish line after all.

Forty-five thousand words to go. Suit up.

I wish I had had a teacher like me in High School, I’d have thought I was hilarious

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It’s the end of the year for teachers and students.  Inevitably, irrevocably, ineluctably (whatever that means, I just wanted another “i” word [okay I just looked it up; basically it means the same as inevitable, GOD English is a silly and redundant language, I feel silly and cheated but also my vocabulary has increased by 1 so yay]), things are spinning down and wrapping up.

We’re all tired, kids and adults alike.  Summertime ennui is creeping in at the edges of our vision and it’s becoming plain that, soon, there will be nothing to fill our long days but the sound of our own thoughts and the hum of crickets in the night.  And the screaming of children.  Don’t forget the screaming of children.  (That’s mostly for the adults.)

It’s creeping in at work, too.  Things are so nearly finished that it’s hard to put the same zeal into creating assignments and leading lectures and discussions.  That’s the challenge, of course, and the job, no doubt, but some days it’s easier than others.

In creating the last project grade for the year, (I wanted to make it easy in the interest of giving my students an opportunity to improve their grades before the final, but I also want them to know that I KNOW it’s easy and that they should feel silly if they don’t do it) I found traces of my Pavorisms voice creeping in.  I felt it, and I went with it.  Then I went back and rejiggered the whole assignment so that it would have a bit more flair.  It just felt right.  And it feels like it belongs here.  In fact, I think I may start presenting all of my assignments this way.  (In this voice, I mean.  Not here at the blarg.  I’d like to keep my handful of readers.)

So here it is, copy-and-pasted for your pleasure.  The better bits are toward the end.  Enjoy, and if you have any questions, see me after class.  I’ll be in the parking lot, headed for a barbecue.

For the record, I teach Seniors.  And yes, I’m giving them this assignment, pretty much as you see it here.

 

 

End of the Year Macbeth Project

  • Yep, there’s a project.  Yep, it’s a bit involved.  But don’t worry, IT’S EASY.  As long as you’re not a slacker.  This project is presented as a dialogue between you (in italics) and me (in the bullet points).  This line is me speaking.  The next line is you.

Why would you give us a project NOW?  You stink, Mr. P.

  • I know.  But one day you’ll appreciate the fact that I made you think about this story, and that I didn’t let you take the easy way out, and that I reached into your brain and pulled from its squishy depths the kind of thinking that…

All right, all right.  FINE.  What do we have to do?

  • Select and Illuminate 4 key moments from the text.
  • Explain in a paragraph of 5 sentences or more how each of your illuminations exemplifies both the plot (what’s happened) and the mood/theme of the text (the feeling).  (That means 4 paragraphs, y’all.  One for each illumination.)
  • Why explain?  Just because YOU think it’s obvious DOESN’T MEAN it’s obvious to EVERYBODY.  And don’t say “I drew him like this because he’s crazy.”  You can do better.

What do you mean “Illuminate”?

  • It means you’re going to create something that sheds light on the text (the story, the characters, etc.).

Okay, so what should each illumination look like?

  • I’m glad you asked!  Each illumination should have its own page (or slide, or square, or whatever) in a clear Moment -> Illumination -> Explanation format.  Say you do some art!
  • —  Moment: Act 2, Scene 1: Macbeth sees the ghostly dagger.
  • —  Insert your own Illustration!
  • —  Explanation: We drew Macbeth mostly in shadow because his thoughts are turning dark in this moment.  The hallway is bare and foreboding, symbolizing his decent into evil… (extrapolate to your heart’s content, but make sure your heart’s content is five sentences at minimum.)

How can we present our ideas?? We are delicate snowflakes, each unique and wonderful!

  • —  Yes, and you are all delightful.  Be creative.  Here are some ideas:
  • —  Soundtrack (choose songs to suit your moments)
  • —  Storyboard / Illustrations (illustrate a scene or key moment)
  • —  Original raps / poems (write something that sums up the moment or one character’s take on it)
  • —  Maps of key locations (use details from the text)
  • —  Character Biographies (again, be specific and text-based)
  • —  Artifacts (for example, the dagger they use to kill the king – just make them school safe)
  • —  Family crests (what images would symbolize the characters?)
  • —  See me if you have another idea – I will probably say it’s okay!
  • —  UNLESS YOU ASK IF YOU CAN USE IMAGES FROM THE INTERNET.  NO INTERNET IMAGE COLLAGES – THAT’S LAZY

But how will we be graded?

  • —  An EXCELLENT project (A-B) will show lots of detail, color, neatness, and evidence of thought, because you care about your work.  It might even be typed, or even (be still, my heart) run through a spell-checker.  Your explanation will be grounded in the text with CITATIONS (the knife is covered in blood because in II, i, 46 Macbeth says “on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood”).
  • —  A PASSABLE project (B-C) will show some detail and evidence of thought.  It will be reasonably neat because you worked reasonably studiously on it.  Explanations will be grounded in the text, but you will forget to cite your specific textual connection, because, really, who wants an “A” anyway?
  • —  A CRAPPY project (read: failing) will show little detail or evidence of thought.  It looks rushed and messy because you put off working on it and then rushed to finish it at the last minute.  It will not bear much connection to the text because there is not time to do your work properly when you rush it.  You will turn in a crappy project because you are either passing so strongly that one bad grade won’t hurt you, or you’ve been failing since September and you just don’t care.
  • —  By the way, don’t turn in a crappy project.

Why should we bother?  I mean, the year is basically over, right?

  • —  Well, who knows?  MAYBE this assignment will be worth so many points, Mr. P feels ashamed even talking about it.
  • —  MAYBE it will give you the chance to eke out a few more points before the final coming up soon (Oh, by the way, your final is worth 20% of your overall grade, can your grade survive that?  NO?  Then think of this assignment as a few extra pillows at the bottom of the Grand Canyon you’re jumping into.)
  • —  MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, if your project is extra-awesome, you can earn some extra credit points.  MAYBE.
  • —  I am obligated by my conscience to tell you that you can substitute the word “Definitely” for the word “Maybe” above.

Fine, we’ll do it.  But when is it due?

  • —  Even classes: May 6
  • —  Odd classes: May 7

Holy crap, that’s a lot of time!

  • —  Yes, it is, so you have no reason NOT to finish it and turn in something awesome!

Will you accept it late?

  • Yes.  BUT.  (There is always a but, just like there is always a butt.)  The closer to the end of the year you turn it in (the last day for grades being May 16th) the less likely I am to get around to grading it.  I can’t help it, I’m lazy.  Make my job easier if you don’t want to sweat it.  Get it done on time.

Do I have to do this alone?

  • —  Heck no; I don’t want to grade that many projects.
  • —  Grab three of your closest friends (well, don’t grab them, you know what I mean) and knock this thing out together.  Maybe you’ll learn something about each other as you work toward a common goal.  Maybe there will be a sappy soundtrack played in the background as you work.  Maybe you’ll have cake when you’re finished.  (Don’t bring cake to my classroom.)

But what if my friends are lazy?

  • —  BETTER YET, grab the smartest people who will work with you and make NEW FRIENDS.  Nobody smart will work with you?  WORK ALONE.  Better you do a decent project alone than a crappy project with the kids who will be here next year.

What should we do with the extra blank space on this paper?

  • I don’t know.  Smart money says use it to make some notes!  Or doodle a spaceship hauling a cow into deep space.  Or cover it entirely with penguin stickers.  The world is your oyster!

You’re weird, Mr. P.

  • Sorry, I didn’t hear you.  I was busy jumping in my spaceship so that I can haul this cow into deep space.  (I’m making Astro-Burgers.)

 

 

 

 

 

Yup, Summer’s here soon.